Anger has been rearing her head for me lately. Like seeing red, blood boiling, smoke coming out my ears kind of anger.
If I was a cartoon character it would look kind of cool and hilarious. But sadly, I’m not. And it’s felt pretty uncomfortable.
Sometimes the feeling is justified, sometimes it’s not. But I’ve felt it none the less.
Yesterday I found myself yelling at my dog in the car, like really YELLING. (I left him alone for 5 minutes, and on returning realised he had eaten his way through the new $100 bag of dog food, spilling it everywhere.) I can’t remember the last time I really yelled like that. It was kind of refreshing and scary all at the same time. He didn’t know what had hit him, and to be fair, either did I really.
I’ve also found myself feeling angry and disappointed by some people in my life these past few days. Letting things upset me far too much, reading into things, and taking stuff way too personally. I’m also feeling anger towards myself, that I haven’t met my own high expectations on a few things. Cos why stop at ONE thing, when you can indulge in the whole delectable smorgasbord of anger?!
To top it all of, cut to this morning where I got bitten on the leg by a dog! Now, that was the icing on the lovely anger cake. Hot molten Lava cake anyone? (mmm cake . . . I digress)
Yes, thank you Universe *- I hear you! I am definitely being pushed to feel my array of emotions, my buttons are well and truly being pushed right now! (* see my spiritual side note below)
In experiencing this, I have been trying really hard to practice what I preach. To remove judgement, and to just sit in the emotion. Because it’s very easy for me to quickly jump to ‘OMG this is a bad emotion, I need to get out of it asap!’.
But I’m done with labelling myself, labelling my emotions, and I’m SO DONE with placing happiness on a pedastool. It’s all good anger, you are welcome, come and hang for a little while – make yourself comfy.
We really are so lucky to experience hundreds of emotions, so why limit ourselves to just a few?
There are so many shades of light and dark, joy and sadness, happiness and anger. Isn’t it a privilege to actually FEEL them? Life is complex, WE are complex – nothing is ever cut and dry. The beauty of life lies in the grey area. Yet we (read ME) are always trying to define things, to categorise our life, to put everything in it’s neat little compartment, and make sure it stays there. Well, sometimes that just doesn’t work, nor should we expect it to.
So even though anger is not a place I wish to stay permanently, I am enjoying passing through here and taking in all the scenery. After all “this too shall pass”, and I do know that (even when it doesn’t always feel like that).
So why try to speed onto the next ‘positive’ emotion, before we’ve even had a chance to feel this current one?
I want to get to know myself more deeply in this space;
- What’s really going on here?
- Why do I feel this way?
- What has triggered this?
- What do I think this is here to teach me?
- What am I learning about myself?
You see, these so called negative feelings are only harmful when we set up camp here. When they start to effect our functioning in daily life, and begin to really bring us down, taking us further away from our true self. That is not what we want.
We want to be like an elastic band, one that can stretch to feel the highs and lows, but that can then return to a place of equilibrium. A comfortable middle ground where we come back to our spiritual home.
So I’m practicing patience with myself (and others), being very gentle to myself, always remembering to breathe, and trying my best to remove judgement from my experiences. Journalling, dark chocolate, yoga, ocean time and spiritual self care are working a treat so far. (I also apologised to Frankie, I cried, and we cuddled on the couch, because it really didn’t feel good to yell at him like that.)
I know I will be back riding my unicorn soon, so for now I’m going to practice feeling the uncomfortable, the prickly, the blood boiling, the tear welling anger. Because that’s OK, in fact – it’s perfect.
I’d love you to share your thoughts in the comments below – What do you need to give yourself permission to really FEEL right now?
Do it, welcome the feeling in and then let that baby F L O W.
It’s more than OK to get really angry. It’s part of being really alive.
– Deborah Cox
** An interesting spiritual side note – I had an incredible experience with my Spiritual Reader just a couple of days ago. For those of you over on Facebook, you would have seen me share. It was DEEP. Like we went exploring past life stuff and dealt with soul level healing. There was tragedy at sea, mermaids (that was me!), a dolphin protector, Pirates seeking treasure, death, guilt, self limiting beliefs & lost love. She did mention that I could have some unexpected pain while these past blocks are being cleared. So maybe that’s whats going on here? In fact, I’m fairly certain that’s exactly what’s going on here.
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