How do you hold your BIG vision, when your current reality doesn’t reflect that?
How do you stay driven, empowered and faith-full to that vision, when it feels so far away?
These are questions that get pondered a lot in my coaching sessions, and my group events (and also, something I ruminate on myself a lot!)
A big part of my vision is LOVE.
It’s a life partner, companionship and passion, growing a family together, and being a mother and a wife. It speaks to me so loud, and I feel it in my bones. Out of everything in my vision, this is probably THE most important thing to me.
My current reality? Well, that’s a very different story!
I have been single for a looonng time. You name it, I’ve tried it. Set ups, online dating, friends of friends, speed dating, tinder, bumble, blind dates – I have devoured the smorgasbord of modern dating life. And yet I’m still left unsatisfied.
I am literally the last single person amongst a sea of partners and families in my circles. And I have been for quite some time. (Yet, at some level I know this is all happening for a reason . . . I just haven’t worked that bit out yet . . .)
Deep down I am a romantic that feels disconnected from this modern dating tech-madness. I see myself meeting someone in real life, not through an app. But the realist in me knows this is highly unlikely in this day and age. (Part of me wishes I grew up in my Nana’s era, where you met your husband at the local dance at the hall down the block from your house. So simple.).
It dawned on my during my meditation this morning – what if I was just ok with where I’m at? What if I let go of the pressure, the expectation and the yearning for things to be different?
I mean, for arguments sake – what if I’m single for the rest of my life? I may never get married or have a family of my own. As scary as that thought is – will that mean I am never going to let myself be happy? Am I always going to be wanting something different? I hope not. Life is too short to steal my own happiness like that.
The buddhist say that our desire to change what is, is our sole source of unhappiness.
And we all know that it’s true.
We’re all stuck on the hedonistic treadmill, always wanting more and more and more.
How many times have you said to yourself: “I’ll be happy when . . [insert external goal here]”. Ie/ getting the promotion, losing some weight, finishing that project, buying a house, landing your dream job, having a baby, paying off your credit card, hell even waiting for the weekend to roll around! When it comes to delayed joy and satisfaction, the list is endless – and always seemingly just out of our grasp. The proverbial carrot dangling in front of us. (You can read my blog on the danger of external goals here)
The problem with this, is that we are placing our happiness outside of us. We are giving away our power to external circumstances, and in the process – completely stealing our own joy.
If comparison is the thief of joy, then what happens when we compare to our own self? When we compare our current self in the now, to the future, brighter, sparklier, more ‘successful’ version of ourself? Same thing unfortunately. Joy is still zapped!
Does this mean that you shouldn’t ever want more? That striving to reach a goal is fruitless? That you shouldn’t desire to improve yourself or your life? Hell NO.
But how do you hold that vision, and deal with your current (very different) reality?
I explored this notion in a previous blog post, asking the question: “Is it possible to have gratitude for what you have right now, while still wanting more?” Check out my post HERE. (Short answer? Yes!)
So what does that look like?
Well, for me – this could look like total and utter self-acceptance. No, more than that – it would mean celebrating and embracing where I’m currently at. Relishing in the solitude, the freedom, the self-reliance, the abundance of time I have, the opportunities to be completely selfish, and also – having a laugh at the bad dating stories!
Because if I resist it? It’s only making myself feel worse.
It doesn’t mean I don’t want those things, I do. I really do. And I am still committed to them. But I’m going to make the process a hell of a lot more enjoyable if I meet myself where I’m at with love, compassion and humour. (Read my last post on how to be committed but not attached HERE.)
And we all know that the law of attraction brings to reality what we think about. Then I want to make sure that my energy is one of love, one that is aligned with my deepest desire. So how can I feel love right now? Through speaking to myself kindly, through acts of self love, through meditation, through filling up my cup and placing myself as numero uno.
Because the most important thing I need to do to manifest my goal is to FEEL GOOD.
And the same goes for you.
No matter what the goal, you will never achieve it if you’re not being the grandest version of yourself, and if you’re energy isn’t the highest vibration it can be.
That’s kinda comforting to know though right? That you don’t have to be so wrapped up in the external, in the pushing, the striving, the ‘slaying’ – the most important thing is to keep your energy high, and keep your mindset in check.
There needs to be an element of fluidity on our way to achieving our goals. It shouldn’t feel like we’re pushing uphill. The visual that comes to mind for me is a flowing stream, and how with every rock, branch or turn in the embankment – the water just course corrects, and flows around the obstacle. It doesn’t hit a wall and say “Nup, I’m done with this!”, it does what water does, and keeps moving and flowing.
For humans, this looks like adaptability.
3 ways to meet yourself where you’re at:
Q/ How can you embody more fluidity towards your current goals?
Q/ Where are you feeling resistance and what is that really about?
Q/ How can you show yourself self-compassion for exactly where you are at today?
Remember – we live in an impermanent universe, meaning that things are ALWAYS changing. Nothing stays the same, nothing. That is the law of our natural world.
So know that your current circumstances:
- a) don’t define you, and
- b) will not always look like this.
So remove the weight off your shoulders, take a deep big breath, and relax. It’s all going to be OK, and everything is unfolding in divine timing.
Know that, and trust that.
When you are compassionate with yourself, you trust in your soul, which you let guide your life. Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do.
– John O’Donohue
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