I’ll be real, I’ve been in a period of intense flatness these past few weeks.
Feeling low in mood, un-motivated and quite down. I just haven’t felt like myself.
It’s interesting that my first reaction to this was to push these feelings away, to move through them as quickly as possible so that I could get back to my “good ol self” (yeah, it doesn’t work). I’ve been trying so hard to understand WHY I feel this way; what it means, what I should be doing to get out of it – that I’ve missed the most blaring obvious thing. I’ve missed the whole bloody point of this experience.
What is the point?
That this is a period of huge GROWTH.
It dawned on me right as I was falling asleep last night, I grabbed my journal and starting scrawling. There is nothing innately “wrong” with feeling this way right now. This is a period of inner transformation. It’s a test, there will be learning and growth to be had and I need to move through this organically. I need to just FEEL into this (not think about it, over-analyse or obsess), and by feeling into it I will allow it to flow through me naturally.
There are emotions I need to work through, fears I need to face, comparisons I need to let go of, expectations I need to release. The biggest, and most healing thing will be accepting what IS. Being at peace with my present reality, without judgement, without fear. This process can’t be forced (unfortunately there’s no fast forward button in these uncomfortable periods of life). It needs to happen in divine timing, in it’s own perfect way.
So why did it take me so long to realise this??
Perhaps it takes you a while to realise these things too. Sometimes it can be hard to see the forrest through the trees so to speak.
Do you know that every time you hit a wall, you are being tested?
Every time you experience heartache, your heart is growing deeply?
Every time you break down, that you are building inner strength and resilience?
It may not feel like it at the time, but you ARE.
The lotus, one of the most glorious flowers around, grows in the dark murky water surrounded by mud. It’s this mud that gives it the nutrients to grow. The lotus instinctively reaches upwards, it feels it’s way towards the light, and it’s only there at the surface of the water that the beautiful lotus flower unfolds and blooms it’s gorgeous flower.
We are in the mud too. Hell, I’m in the mud right now! And maybe you are too.
When you’re in the mud you can’t see where you’re going, nothing makes sense, your frustrated that you’re not “there” yet, wondering if you will ever achieve what you desire. Then one day, magically (and with the dedicated work), you arrive. You bloom. You hit the mark. You achieve all that you’ve ever wanted. You are no longer in the mud.
Be in the mud, yet stay focused on the light.
Growing from the mud, and blooming towards the sky,
a lotus symbolises purity, spiritual awakening and revival.
What’s your purpose?
Why are you here?
*Note – your answers to these two questions need to be bigger than you, bigger than your goals or what you want to “have”. The answers to these questions form your motivation, they inspire you onwards and upward.
So if you’re not clear on this, I urge you to get clear quickly. It will make wading through the muddy water a lot easier, trust me.
Splendidness provides vision, and wretchedness grounds us.
We don’t awaken in some paradise where the circumstances are made to order. We awaken in the charnel ground. If you can stay present in even the most challenging circumstances, the intensity of the situation will transform you.
Feel your emotions directly and selflessly, and let their power open you up. I can hold pain in my heart and simultaneously be deeply touched by the power and magic of the world. Life doesn’t have to be one way or the other. We don’t have to jump back and forth. We can live beautifully with whatever comes – heartache and joy, success and failure, instability and change.
– Pema Chodron.
Let the power of the emotion open you up, I love that. The feeling itself doesn’t change, but you can stop resisting it. Stop avoiding the unavoidable. Pain is not the end of the journey, and neither is delight. We can bold them both – indeed hold it all – at the same time.
So next time you’re trawling through the mud, remind yourself of the lotus flower. Remember that it’s these periods that help you grow to become the person you are destined to be. It is the darkness that helps make you, and without it you couldn’t grow.
CHALLENGE = GROWTH
It’s as simple as that.
For a star to be born,
There is one thing that must happen:
A gaseous nebula must collapse.
This is not your destruction.
This is your birth.
– Zoe Skylar
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